In lieu of yet another doping story, I though I'd spring this little scandal on the Podium Cafe. Small children and sensitive individuals will want to immediatey click away...

Via the Pinchflat comes this stirring story of romantic love -- a love for the ages.

It seems this Scottish gentleman was accused of having... err... simulated sex with his bicycle:

Robert Stewart, from Ayr, allegedly was naked from the waist down in a hostel room when two cleaners walked in. They say they were shocked to find him mock-copulating with a bicycle - and that he continued to do so as they looked on, the Sunday Mail reports.

He has been charged with conducting himself in a disorderly manner. His solicitor, Gerry Tierney, said: 'My client denies the allegations and intends to defend the charge vigorously.'

Stewarts says that the incident was all a misunderstanding, partly due to the fact that he'd had too much to drink.

Ahh, the old "too much to drink so I had sex with my top tube" excuse. If we've heard it once, we've heard it a thousand times...

No word yet as to whether the bike was of monocoque construction, though I expect our Technical Editor to get right on this one.