OK guys I'm fairly new here but not new to cycling and I have a rather eunique (sic) perspective on drugs in Sport.

I have a predicament!  I'm racing on Boxing Day in a D Grade Criterium.  I'm 48, it's my first year of racing but I'm probably fit enough to keep up with the A graders I'm just doing my apprenticeship.  Apart from having a body and engine more ideally suited for climbing mountains I'm also very new to being very hard of hearing and I keep missing the bell lap and wondering what the......!!! Last week I was prepared and marked the sprint but they decided not to show a checkered flag so I coasted in fifth.  I am determined to move up a few grades before I die and really want to win on Boxing day but I have a problem.....Like Lance, I have had testicular cancer, only twice,  which presents kind of a hormonal problem and, Like Floyd, my testosterone comes out of a syringe not a testicle and I normally give myself a fresh supply every fortnight.  I'm due to inject the day after Boxing day....bugger!

Would it be wrong of me to inject a couple of days early or smear myself with a few sachets of testo goo? Man....I could inject daily and still not exceed the UCI guidelines limit without growing huge breasts first. Am I a cheat for manipulating my endocrine system like that? Does anybody care?

I think my hormones must be getting low.