Dude Smack Down: Slater v. Armstrong
by gavia
on Dec 3, 2008 2:05 PM EST
in Cafe Happy Hour!
123 comments
Kelly Slater
Bra... Bend at the knees, not at the waist.
How do the two Dudes match up? Smack Down on the Flip!
Slater Photo, Copyright Gavia. Please don't steal it.
Armstrong Photo, Copyright AP. If they want it back, I'll give it to them. But only if they fix their captions.
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You know it's the off-season
when people start making surfer/cyclist comparisons :) Very entertaining though, Lance dating those sticks, who call themselves humans(Olson twins) still freaks me out.
"If you go (with a break), you can either win or not win. If you don't go for it, you definitely won't win."
~ Jens Voigt
by Phil H. on
Dec 3, 2008 2:37 PM EST
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eh, not much going on today :-)
and i couldn’t resist the photos
by gavia on
Dec 3, 2008 3:01 PM EST
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well that's my point
in the off-season there is nothing going on, so there is time for these posts, which are very good because they make this time of year more entertaining. But if you would try to write this post in April, we would yell at you for even mentioning a surfer when we are focused on Flanders and P-R.
"If you go (with a break), you can either win or not win. If you don't go for it, you definitely won't win."
~ Jens Voigt
by Phil H. on
Dec 3, 2008 3:11 PM EST
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hmm
so you’re saying slater in april would be a bad thing.
i’ll keep that in mind.
;-)
by gavia on
Dec 3, 2008 3:14 PM EST
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It might be a bad thing on a cycling blog
you know, I heard there were some fairly important events in April, but if you find a surfing blog, well then Slater can be around any time :)
"If you go (with a break), you can either win or not win. If you don't go for it, you definitely won't win."
~ Jens Voigt
by Phil H. on
Dec 3, 2008 3:21 PM EST
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I vote against this new "cycling talk only in april" rule
rules suck, except for the golden one
by Jimbo... on
Dec 3, 2008 7:48 PM EST
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In defense of Lance, he did publicly denied dating either Olsen Twin.
He did say they were friends. From what I read it looked like it was all a media gossip fantasy frenzy. The pics I saw of them were clearly photoshopped. But only they know for sure.
Another reason I’d rather be an anonymous face in the crowd.
by ZoeRochelle on
Dec 3, 2008 3:20 PM EST
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Isn't publicly denying something in the celebrity world
the same thing as admitting to something in the so called “real” world? Not a big issue, just creepy because they still look like they are 15 or something.
"If you go (with a break), you can either win or not win. If you don't go for it, you definitely won't win."
~ Jens Voigt
by Phil H. on
Dec 3, 2008 3:23 PM EST
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I thought
Bra was the new Bro? My kids aren’t old enough to translate yet, so my info is sketchy.
CQRanking.com, you complete me.
by Chris... on
Dec 3, 2008 6:19 PM EST
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"Bra"..as in "yah bra stoked ya?"
the word not the garment has been surfer speak for bro for a long time.. Has roots on the islands, ya bra? I think bro has always been boarder speak.. and they just wish they were surfers.
by Fred Marx on
Dec 3, 2008 7:24 PM EST
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all of the above are currently in use
gav <—— linguistics correspondant
by gavia on
Dec 3, 2008 7:31 PM EST
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Oh the Bra boys look get too,
But very very bad boys….
We don't stop playing because we grow old, we grow old because we stop playing.
George Bernard Shaw, 1856-1950
by CycleGirl on
Dec 4, 2008 6:54 AM EST
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hold on for a minute while I
whistle up my Aussie translator.. one of them has to be making snow right now…. I know it looks like English
;^)
by Fred Marx on
Dec 4, 2008 9:03 AM EST
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Yeah sorry.. that was after the third glass of wine
I meant the Bra Boys look good too, But very very bad boys :-)
Hope this helps
We don't stop playing because we grow old, we grow old because we stop playing.
George Bernard Shaw, 1856-1950
by CycleGirl on
Dec 4, 2008 5:03 PM EST
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It's more BRRAAAAA!
Bro is still bro!
Bro
Racing for Victory and Free Beer!
by DemonCats on
Dec 4, 2008 11:04 PM EST
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You knew I'd love this one!
Sunset contest looks to be off for today. :-(
Thanks for the surf fix!
by Veloki on
Dec 3, 2008 3:09 PM EST
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You mean you guys are going to have a contest
with who has the best sunset photo. I so can’t wait! (LOL!!!)
"The most wasted day is that in which we have not laughed."
by nikki on
Dec 3, 2008 3:19 PM EST
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not even a contest
Slater all the way…
oh and there’s never a bad month for slater
by lyne on
Dec 3, 2008 3:15 PM EST
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so you're sayin'
i need to do some stalkin’? ;-)
as a side note, i’m pretty sure that gravity took a hand in that armstrong photo and he face-planted.
by gavia on
Dec 3, 2008 3:17 PM EST
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Gav - this one rocks!
And the side by sides are great. Reef vs Road rash. I think we could use a few more pictures posted here though of Mr. Slater so we can better agree upon that hotness number he has. :-p~
"The most wasted day is that in which we have not laughed."
by nikki on
Dec 3, 2008 3:21 PM EST
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Google.images
Ladies, start your engines!
by gavia on
Dec 3, 2008 3:22 PM EST
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Oh crap! Time for me to get out of this post
"If you go (with a break), you can either win or not win. If you don't go for it, you definitely won't win."
~ Jens Voigt
by Phil H. on
Dec 3, 2008 3:25 PM EST
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...and here I am thinking, lucky me...
I came to the discussion at the right time!
by steph- on
Dec 3, 2008 3:35 PM EST
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Forgive me, I know zilch about surfing...
…I assumed Kelly Slater was a girl, then got all confused. Such an awful confession I know!
by Albertina on
Dec 3, 2008 6:32 PM EST
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lol, awesome
Kelly Slater? Definitely not a chick :-)
by gavia on
Dec 3, 2008 7:32 PM EST
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2006 SI Hot Man of the Year... nice. :-)
The caption:
US weekly Sports Illustrated published the rating of world’s most handsome male athletes in 2006. The results are quite predictable. Kelly Slater comes first. When he doesn’t surf, he poses for photographs.
Source: SI.com
"The most wasted day is that in which we have not laughed."
by nikki on
Dec 3, 2008 3:36 PM EST
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Who else was on the list?
I don’t suppose Benna’s on their radar…..
by Albertina on
Dec 3, 2008 6:33 PM EST
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oooh, là là
Still one of my all-time faves
by gavia on
Dec 3, 2008 7:34 PM EST
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And one in the water...
Source: Lat34.com
"The most wasted day is that in which we have not laughed."
by nikki on
Dec 3, 2008 3:42 PM EST
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And of course - to help keep the guys reading...
One of his girls….
Source: SurfersPath.com from this article.
"The most wasted day is that in which we have not laughed."
by nikki on
Dec 3, 2008 3:46 PM EST
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awriiiight
but cycle dude clothes beat surfer dude clothes (on men anyways) hands down. Except surfer dudes can wear white surfer trunks without penalty.
Sometimes I wonder...why is that Frisbee getting bigger?...and then it hits me.
by bethie on
Dec 3, 2008 5:44 PM EST
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More Dude Smackdowns!
In fact, I might ask to borrow the template.
CQRanking.com, you complete me.
by Chris... on
Dec 3, 2008 6:20 PM EST
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think the kids at sports base could get us some photoshop?
it would make the dude smackdowns so much easier to produce.
lol, but uh, sure, more dude smackdowns. {gav pulls out crumpled list, pencil, adds “dude smack downs”}
by gavia on
Dec 3, 2008 7:38 PM EST
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Hm,
We do buy some photos, in the big sports. Could arrange something.
CQRanking.com, you complete me.
by Chris... on
Dec 3, 2008 8:11 PM EST
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we could have a lot of fun
with things like this with graphic toolz. i did this using a word processor and a screen capture. primitive. difficult to control size, can’t put more than a screen’s worth of stuff in it.
more would be funner.
by gavia on
Dec 3, 2008 8:13 PM EST
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Who won this smackdown anyway?
I’m going with Slater because of the girlfriends, he even dated Pam Anderson once, and somehow managed not to have a secret porn tape of theirs released.
"If you go (with a break), you can either win or not win. If you don't go for it, you definitely won't win."
~ Jens Voigt
by Phil H. on
Dec 3, 2008 6:28 PM EST
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lol
My own personal opinion is that hottitude should count quintuple. Also, Sl8r has 9 wins. Armstrong only has 7.
I’m going with Slater. But perhaps we should vote. Huh. Maybe this will be a future feature of the Dude Smack Down, voting.
by gavia on
Dec 3, 2008 7:39 PM EST
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Yeah, you should put up a poll on this post
make it a real competition.
"If you go (with a break), you can either win or not win. If you don't go for it, you definitely won't win."
~ Jens Voigt
by Phil H. on
Dec 3, 2008 7:43 PM EST
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You know, I'm prepared to be educated in this surfing lark...
I think I’d rather he had hair though.
by Albertina on
Dec 3, 2008 6:36 PM EST
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that was awesome
can you clue in on how to clean up my not so shiny new mac…?? Slater hands down, hotter women, and I don’t care how freaking hard Alp D’Huez is, dropping into double and triple overhead takes a real pair. When it goes wrong, you don’t just climb off you fight to survive.
by Fred Marx on
Dec 3, 2008 7:31 PM EST
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I think it takes some balls going down a mountain at 100km per
if you fall there than you don’t just climb off either. I agree with you Slater wins this, just defending the size of the non-dopers(we all know what doping does to that area) balls.
"If you go (with a break), you can either win or not win. If you don't go for it, you definitely won't win."
~ Jens Voigt
by Phil H. on
Dec 3, 2008 7:39 PM EST
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si...
I ran out of space – otherwise there would have been a descending mountains versus dropping into gi-normous pipeline. both a tad challenging, and certainly not for the faint of heart.
by gavia on
Dec 3, 2008 7:40 PM EST
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I vote for surfing
as the gnarlier of the two sports. Two reasons… 1) mountain roads do not move while you are descending them, and 2) I cannot surf…
by Jimbo... on
Dec 3, 2008 7:55 PM EST
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hard to drown on the bike
though i suppose given the chance, schleck would find a way.
by gavia on
Dec 3, 2008 7:56 PM EST
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How many deaths have there been in pro surfing?
just curious, seems there would have been a few
"If you go (with a break), you can either win or not win. If you don't go for it, you definitely won't win."
~ Jens Voigt
by Phil H. on
Dec 3, 2008 7:59 PM EST
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in "normal" competition?
I can’t think of any, actually. There are usually lots of people around – and during contests they have jet skis in the water. So, like Sunset yesterday was crazy, but they did have the skis out. And by the time these guys are at that level? They’ve logged a lot of hours in lots of heavy conditions, and they know their limits.
In big wave surfing – where they tow in with jet skis – things get gnarly quicklike. And there’ve been some fatalitiies at Mavericks in NorCali and Waimea in Hawaii.
by gavia on
Dec 3, 2008 8:18 PM EST
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the best most notable by far was
Mark Foo at Mavericks in 94. I’m sure there have been more, but they tend to be somewhat lees publicized then say Casartelli or Kivilev, since more people in the world ride bike in their day to day lives then ride waves. Also cycling deaths seem to occur in very public locales whereas surfers tend to move on in remote exotic places far from the public eye.
by Fred Marx on
Dec 3, 2008 8:18 PM EST
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speaking of Mavericks....
….the wave watch has begun!
by steph- on
Dec 3, 2008 10:27 PM EST
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A guy died at Mavericks
several years ago. Not sure if the big wave contest was on at the time, but I think not. Besides that, I’ve never heard of a pro surfing death. I think most people who die surfing are either alone, or get hit by another surfer. Both of those are unlikely in a surf contest. And the surfing I’m thinking of as being “gnarlier” is the big wave stuff. Those guys are out of their freaking minds…
by Jimbo... on
Dec 3, 2008 8:19 PM EST
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Ok, thanks all
I wasn’t trying to compare it to cycling btw, I was just curious, good to know that there haven’t been that many on the pro level.
"If you go (with a break), you can either win or not win. If you don't go for it, you definitely won't win."
~ Jens Voigt
by Phil H. on
Dec 3, 2008 8:24 PM EST
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I wasn't intentionally comparing the two
Those were just the references that popped into my head as I typed.
by Fred Marx on
Dec 3, 2008 8:32 PM EST
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It's all good
I’m just amazed that there haven’t been more pro surfer deaths. When I was living in Cali I remember there were reports of amateur surfers dying several times, and I wasn’t even living in SoCal
"If you go (with a break), you can either win or not win. If you don't go for it, you definitely won't win."
~ Jens Voigt
by Phil H. on
Dec 3, 2008 8:39 PM EST
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ja
Generally, it’s dudes surfing alone in remote areas. Or, paddling out drunk/stoned/high in over-sized surf. Definitely not happening during contests. And generally the pro guys are so surrounded by entourage and whathaveyou, that they are unlikely to get in trouble.
There have been a couple chomping incidents in Mex lately. But even that’s pretty rare.
I’m leaning toward cycling as the more dangerous, really.
by gavia on
Dec 3, 2008 8:28 PM EST
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Is there an equal to "schlecked" in surfing?
"The most wasted day is that in which we have not laughed."
by nikki on
Dec 3, 2008 7:47 PM EST
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lol, not that i know of
But dudes get “Slater’d” all the time: they fall off their boards trying to surf against him. has a knack for the mental games. watching his heats is always interesting that way.
by gavia on
Dec 3, 2008 7:49 PM EST
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There might not be one in surfing
but there sure is one in skateboarding
"If you go (with a break), you can either win or not win. If you don't go for it, you definitely won't win."
~ Jens Voigt
by Phil H. on
Dec 3, 2008 7:52 PM EST
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viddy porn
Here’s some viddy. Trestles, Cali. If it doesn’t come up directly, flip through to slide number 8 (usually the linkies work, but just in case.)
by gavia on
Dec 3, 2008 7:51 PM EST
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Yes!!!!!!
the poll is up, thanks Gav
"If you go (with a break), you can either win or not win. If you don't go for it, you definitely won't win."
~ Jens Voigt
by Phil H. on
Dec 3, 2008 7:54 PM EST
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so someone should twit him to let him know that he's getting slater'd
by lyne on
Dec 3, 2008 8:29 PM EST
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Oh man... that line is priceless today.
“twit him he’s getting slater’d”
"The most wasted day is that in which we have not laughed."
by nikki on
Dec 3, 2008 8:32 PM EST
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Just because
Somehow, I don’t think this will go unappreciated here. (tipped off by BoingBoing)
by Sui Juris on
Dec 3, 2008 8:18 PM EST
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You know, Kelly Slater is basically the HNWNBM or surfing don't you?
The guy was basically one of the first surfers who really focused on competing and made that his entire focus for a lot of years.
I remember way back now that he got a lot of heat with regards to this single focus from the purists who think of surfing as a lifestyle and not a sport at all which was very similar to the crap HNWNBM is dished.
I find the irony in this smack down amusing.
by Ryan_Liles on
Dec 3, 2008 10:40 PM EST
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Oh really?
He was a known gifted talent at a very young age. Just like HNWNBM.
He consistently would destroy his competition using both physical and psychological means. Just like HNWNBM.
He would slut himself out to make a bunch of money doing things like being on Baywatch. Just like HNWNBM has popped up in movies.
He has lifetime sponsors like Quicksilver. Just like HNWNBM has with Nike.
He dated skanky actresses like Pamela Anderson. Just like HNWNBM.
He retired, but then came back again to compete. Just like HNWNBM.
Shall I go on?
by Ryan_Liles on
Dec 4, 2008 4:51 AM EST
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What is the break down of HNWNBM???
I know the HWMNBN (he who must not be named) but can’t figure the one above out.
"The most wasted day is that in which we have not laughed."
by nikki on
Dec 4, 2008 11:18 AM EST
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Yadda, yadda . . .
Sorry about that.
I thought it was rather His Name Will Not Be Mentioned.
I’ll just stick with using the dudes’ name from now on.
by Ryan_Liles on
Dec 4, 2008 11:41 AM EST
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Wasn't trying to be a pain
but I was stuck and couldn’t figure out what words were making it up. And we know I am pretty damn slow with all the shortcuts we have. LOL! Carry on…
"The most wasted day is that in which we have not laughed."
by nikki on
Dec 4, 2008 3:03 PM EST
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Ok since i'm aussie and he beach is my second playgound, it's about time i showed some Hottitude surfing shots...
http://www.nyfilmvideo.com/2008/ny-feb/presrelease/kelly_slater.jpg
Bra Boy Koby Abberton
We don't stop playing because we grow old, we grow old because we stop playing.
George Bernard Shaw, 1856-1950
by CycleGirl on
Dec 4, 2008 7:05 AM EST
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huh
That 2007 Slater shot, I was there that day…
by gavia on
Dec 4, 2008 12:29 PM EST
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Did you ask him if you could wax his board?
"The most wasted day is that in which we have not laughed."
by nikki on
Dec 4, 2008 3:03 PM EST
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lol
Heh, heh, Kelly, can I touch your stick?
by gavia on
Dec 4, 2008 5:56 PM EST
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wax on, wax off takes on a whole new meaning
by lyne on
Dec 4, 2008 5:58 PM EST
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Oh this was fun. :-)
"The most wasted day is that in which we have not laughed."
by nikki on
Dec 4, 2008 7:09 PM EST
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Women surfers
don’t all wear string bikinis? I’m so disillusioned. I bet you all have stopped listening to the Beach Boys too, right?
CQRanking.com, you complete me.
by Chris... on
Dec 4, 2008 1:16 PM EST
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Not being familiar with Mr. Slater
I looked him up on Wikipedia, and find that not only did he have a recurring role on Baywatch, but he appeared all three Young Guns movies. All three.
I’m sorry. That’s worse than dating any number of Olsens.
by majope on
Dec 4, 2008 4:27 PM EST
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Young Guns?
Not the Young Guns you’re thinking of. There’s a series of surf viddy (porn) sponsored by QuickSilver. And yes, he’s in all three.
The Baywatch thing, well, is there anything good about that?
by gavia on
Dec 4, 2008 5:50 PM EST
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indeed
I have those movies. They’re quite lovely, really.
by gavia on
Dec 4, 2008 6:09 PM EST
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Are those up for the video swap we have going on too?
I can see it now…. Biking to the Giro and quick switches to check the surf. ":-)
"The most wasted day is that in which we have not laughed."
by nikki on
Dec 4, 2008 7:11 PM EST
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Whoever wins
is going to have to take on Cippo on skis
by Katiek on
Dec 4, 2008 5:15 PM EST
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hmmmm are we going to do the smackdown for the hottest team??
We don't stop playing because we grow old, we grow old because we stop playing.
George Bernard Shaw, 1856-1950
by CycleGirl on
Dec 6, 2008 1:27 AM EST
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I actually spent a few hours yesterday rounding up evidence for a few teams
Hey. It was Friday, and we were having a new furnace installed. It’s not like I could concentrate.
Did some work on Lotto, Quick Step, and Liquigas. But I doubt I’ll have the motivation to do them all. What were some of the others under consideration?
by majope on
Dec 6, 2008 10:11 AM EST
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how 'bout starting a thready for nominations?
by gavia on
Dec 6, 2008 5:07 PM EST
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Yes, I vote CycleGirl does it. She is after all an expert.
by Albertina on
Dec 6, 2008 7:21 PM EST
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Plus she can't sleep 'cause it's too warm
by her so she gets my nomination to start the nominations thread. ha ha!!!
"The most wasted day is that in which we have not laughed."
by nikki on
Dec 7, 2008 12:46 AM EST
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