Happy Birthday to the Best Cyclist Ever (Not Named Eddy)

by TCWriter on Feb 3, 2008 1:30 PM EST

This isn't just the Sunday when millions gather around their television sets to watch a few seconds of football sandwiched between hours of commercials and wardrobe malfunctions.

No, it's far More Important Than That.

It's Hennie Kuiper's Birthday - the day the Best Cyclist Not Named Eddy came into the world.

Kuiper winning the 1983 Paris-Roubaix -- after his famous crash.

If you're one of the small handful of people on the planet who don't already worship the graven image of Hennie Kuiper, he's one of the few cyclists to win both the Olympic and Worlds Road Races, four of the five monuments, and a pair of TdF stages atop Alpe d'Huez.

No less a figure than Lucien Van Impe said Kuiper was perhaps the smartest rider in cycling, and no less an authority figure than myself insists the rest of you agree.

As befits an occasion of this magnitude, I'm lighting a candle made from the tallow of cows raised along the Paris-Roubaix route before sacrificing a live Clement Criterium Seta tubular.

It's a great day, Cafeheads. A great day. True Believers can go to Kuiper's site, click on the contact form, and send him a birthday greeting (like any demi-god, Kuiper speaks several languages, including English): http://www.henniekuiper.nl/en/

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Comments

LOL

I enjoyed the post and laughed heartily at the reverant,idol worship delivered with excellent prose. It is obvious that you are one of the Screen Writers Guild fighting for a deserved contract.

"The ox is slow but the earth is patient."

by Teel 22 on Feb 3, 2008 4:07 PM EST reply actions

I'm convinced.

Good to see you TC

by mobilegoat on Feb 3, 2008 7:31 PM EST reply actions

ha!

I think I'll bake a cake. Would chocolate be ok?

Awesome post :-))

by Jen See on Feb 3, 2008 9:18 PM EST reply actions

TC

Got any videos that actually have the man himself in action? That would be very cool to see.

"That rug really tied the room together. "

by Drew on Feb 4, 2008 8:54 AM EST reply actions

Of course...

Here's one of Kuiper winning on the Alpe in the 1977 TdF.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=2ZEj1QdyDzw

It's short but fun; Kuiper's chasing Van Impe and trying to shed Thevenet (his GC rival). Van Impe crashes, Kuiper goes by, then a motorbike crashes, which hampers Thevenet.

You don't get to see the finish, but Kuiper won on the Alpe, but lost the overall to Thevenet by 48 seconds.

Later, Thevenet admitted he had badly abused steroids during his TdF victories (he dropped out of the 1978 race, his body unable to cope with the massive doses) and this probably should have been the TdF victory Kuiper never got.

"Age and treachery will overcome youth and skill"
-- Fausto Coppi

by TCWriter on Feb 4, 2008 10:38 AM EST reply actions

I can't decide which is funnier

A) Van Impe getting off his bike to fiddle with it and as he looks down Hennie goes past - unbeknown to Van Impe

B) Everyone in short shorts :-O

C) The driver of the crashed moto wearing a sleeveless white t-shirt, making me think they might have found him that morning staggering out of some bar and hired him on the spot to carry a cameraman.

Fashion certainly has come a long way at the TDF

"That rug really tied the room together. "

by Drew on Feb 4, 2008 11:08 AM EST reply actions

So

Olympics, Worlds, four monuments... would you say he was the Paolo Bettini of his day?

[Ducking lightning bolt...]

by Chris Fontecchio on Feb 4, 2008 11:12 AM EST reply actions

If you look closely in the video

you can see the gold shoes.

"That rug really tied the room together. "

by Drew on Feb 4, 2008 11:21 AM EST reply actions

Blasphemers!

Laught it up frisbees: Next time Bettini challenges for a Grand Tour overall (even minimal doping controls would have earned Kuiper a TdF win), you can make that comparison without earning a small, plain-wrapped, ticking package in the mail.

Unlike so many others here, I like Bettini, but I know Hennie Kuiper. Hennie Kuiper is an idol of mine. And sirs, Paolo Bettini is no Hennie Kuiper...

"Age and treachery will overcome youth and skill"
-- Fausto Coppi

by TCWriter on Feb 4, 2008 12:16 PM EST reply actions

Channelling Bettini

That was uncalled for, Senator.

by Chris Fontecchio on Feb 4, 2008 12:29 PM EST up reply actions

Forgot: You can wish Kuiper a Happy Birthday too

True Believers can go to Kuiper's site, click on the contact form, and send him a birthday greeting (like any demi-god, Kuiper speaks several languages, including English):

http://www.henniekuiper.nl/en/

"Age and treachery will overcome youth and skill"
-- Fausto Coppi

by TCWriter on Feb 4, 2008 12:30 PM EST reply actions