Ricco's Lament

by majope on Jul 17, 2008 2:29 PM EDT

Ricco's Lament (sung to the tune of "Que Sera, Sera")

When I was added to the team
I asked my teammates what lies ahead?
Can we ride cleanly, and still win a race?
Here’s what my teammates said.

Take CERA, CERA,
That shit gets you up the hill
If you don’t use it, your rivals will
Take CERA, CERA
And go in for the kill.

When I was training for the Tour
I asked my doctor, "Hey, should I dope?
Will I get tested, will I get caught?"
He smiled and just said "Nope."

Take CERA, CERA,
Invisible in the test
They’ll all think that you’re the best
Take CERA, CERA
When you line up at Brest.

Now I am thrown out on my ass
My team’s disbanded, what did I do?
Will I be employed ever again?
Will all my sponsors sue?

Blame CERA, CERA,
The Cobra they once adored
Won’t be racing anymore
Blame CERA, CERA
All done at twenty-four.

—Marlys Pearson (if you like it, feel free to pass it on--just credit me, please)

2 recs | Comment 35 comments

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Cera

The exclusion of Astana was unjust, and the ASO’s smugness about the matter and thinking they were going to have a better Tour with less scandal pised me off even more. Now here we are with Ricco. I couldn’t stand the cocky shit so I’m glad I can hate him and feel justified about it. I’m just glad he was busted before ruining the stage to Alpe du Huez. I’m also glad to see that the Tour isn’t being protected from scandal and that WADA is doing a great job. Fuck the dopers.

by sminer on Jul 17, 2008 3:05 PM EDT 0 recs

Good point

I’m really glad he won’t be riding L’Alpe D’Huez now…

by Le Comte on Jul 17, 2008 3:28 PM EDT up 0 recs

one point

At least the exclusion of Astana, is not just a punishment against a rider, at least try to blame one group of people. Those riders always are the victims, and where are the doctors, coaches that estimulate the rider to use? If they begin discarded this people, it’s already a good start.

by semprenaroda on Jul 17, 2008 9:50 PM EDT up 0 recs

Brilliant rendition

Better than the original if you ask me.

"I have come here to chew bubblegum and kick ass... and I'm all out of bubblegum."

by Drew... on Jul 17, 2008 3:15 PM EDT 0 recs

Only if Doris Day was singing it.

181 & 165

by callmecayce on Jul 17, 2008 5:40 PM EDT up 0 recs

With inspiration for the activity from Majpope above...

The Santé Prison Blues – Johnny Cash…

I hear that train a comin’, it’s rollin’ round the bend
And I ain’t seen the sunshine, since, I don’t know when
I’m stuck in Santé prison, and time keeps… draggin’ on
But that leadout train keeps rollin’, on down to Le Bourgogne

When I was just a baby, my Momma gave me hugs
Said “Always be a good boy, don’t ever take those drugs”
Well I shot my ass with EPO, just so I could climb
When I see those sprinters movin’, I hang my head and cry

I know there’s unknowns racing like Ivan Rodriguez
He’s probably out descending or climbing Alpe d’Huez
Well I know I had it comin’, I know I can’t be free
But those riders keep on racin’, and that’s what tortures me

Well if they freed me from this prison, if that peloton was mine
I bet I’d move it on a little cleaner down the line
Far from Santé Prison, there’s where I want to stay
And I’d let that lonesome crosswind, blow my blues away

Ricco stole my marbles.

by crashdan on Jul 17, 2008 3:34 PM EDT 1 recs

Nice!

Time for karaoke night at the Cafe, don’t you think?

by majope on Jul 17, 2008 3:53 PM EDT up 0 recs

Yes - we'll break these back out

at ToC 2009 sponsored by the Podium Cafe.

That might be my favorite Johnny Cash song. It’s either that or Cocaine Blues (yeah I know – the irony. Still, it’s a kick ass song. Especially live from Folsom Prison. Wow – more irony).

"I have come here to chew bubblegum and kick ass... and I'm all out of bubblegum."

by Drew... on Jul 17, 2008 4:06 PM EDT up 0 recs

"Down there by the Train" for me

Johnny Cash singing Tom Waits. That was as good as he got to me.

by Markk on Jul 17, 2008 4:42 PM EDT up 0 recs

You should here Johnny's version

of Springsteen’s “I’m on fire”. Wow.

by Mr Van P on Jul 17, 2008 9:45 PM EDT up 0 recs

Raising the bar

I really wish I didn’t have any work to do…

"If writing too much about the Classics is wrong, I don't want to be right."

by Chris... on Jul 17, 2008 4:18 PM EDT up 0 recs

Swap jobs for a week with Dan

You’ll be cranking out new posts 5 at a time :-)

"I have come here to chew bubblegum and kick ass... and I'm all out of bubblegum."

by Drew... on Jul 17, 2008 4:32 PM EDT up 0 recs

I get extra VDS points...

... for finding a way to rhyme “Alpe d’Huez” right?

Ricco stole my marbles.

by crashdan on Jul 17, 2008 4:50 PM EDT up 0 recs

Sure, you get double the amount of points you made from Pettachi

by Jens on Jul 17, 2008 4:54 PM EDT up 0 recs

(giggling)

"I have come here to chew bubblegum and kick ass... and I'm all out of bubblegum."

by Drew... on Jul 17, 2008 5:02 PM EDT up 0 recs

Et tu Drewte?

Ricco stole my marbles.

by crashdan on Jul 17, 2008 5:03 PM EDT up 0 recs

(openly laughing)

I love my new nickname btw

"I have come here to chew bubblegum and kick ass... and I'm all out of bubblegum."

by Drew... on Jul 17, 2008 9:57 PM EDT up 0 recs

I have it tattoo'd now, are you personallizing your knuckles too?

"The most wasted day is that in which we have not laughed."

by nikki on Jul 20, 2008 4:18 AM EDT up 0 recs

See wound...

... apply salt… apply vigorous rubbing motion…

Ricco stole my marbles.

by crashdan on Jul 17, 2008 5:03 PM EDT up 0 recs

I particlarly liked that part

and the Ivan Rodriguez part is very clever.. I will never be able to think his name again without using my Johnny Cash voice

by Jimbo... on Jul 17, 2008 5:44 PM EDT up 0 recs

I love this place!

by Bruce Suomi on Jul 17, 2008 3:37 PM EDT 0 recs

Que CERA

Brilliant. I passed it on. Very soon you will be famous, or perhaps not.

by lkay on Jul 17, 2008 3:38 PM EDT 0 recs

+1

"I won! I won! I don't have to go to school anymore." -- Eddy Merckx, after winning his first bike race

by ELVISGOAT on Jul 17, 2008 3:55 PM EDT 0 recs

Ha!

Forwarded, with credit. Perfectamundo!

by nancytoby on Jul 17, 2008 4:07 PM EDT 0 recs

Hey - Fonzie is here!

"I have come here to chew bubblegum and kick ass... and I'm all out of bubblegum."

by Drew... on Jul 17, 2008 4:11 PM EDT up 0 recs

Does that mean

Pinky Tuscadero will be singing the songs?

by Katiek on Jul 17, 2008 4:36 PM EDT up 0 recs

I'd tune in for that

mid 1970’s Pinky – not today’s.

"I have come here to chew bubblegum and kick ass... and I'm all out of bubblegum."

by Drew... on Jul 17, 2008 4:44 PM EDT up 0 recs

that was great!

181 & 165

by callmecayce on Jul 17, 2008 5:41 PM EDT 0 recs

Forwarded and credited...

with no backlash from the usual Eurosport bashing folks here at work. Truly inspired lyricism there Marlys :)

Ricco stole my marbles.

by crashdan on Jul 17, 2008 5:59 PM EDT 0 recs

Ricco's last words, after being shot in the gut (by himself)

Here’s a classic movie line (#73 on American Film Institute list of famous film quotes) that applies today to Ricco (aka Rico). It’s from the 1931 gangster movie – Little Caesar: “Mother of mercy, is this the end of Rico?” – Edward G. Robinson as “Rico” Bandello saying his final words.

Larry from Albuquerque

by lkay on Jul 17, 2008 6:55 PM EDT 0 recs