You know you've watched too much of the Tour when...

You know you've been watching too much of the Tour de France when...

...you raise your hand and look behind you when you want food passed to you at the dinner table.

...you draft behind other shopping carts at the grocery store.

...you shave your legs and walk around the neighborhood in spandex.

...you begin referring to your family doctor as a "soigneur."

...you pass cars going up a hill and look back at the other drivers to see if they're "in the red."

...you raise your hands in triumph when you beat your wife to the TV remote.

...after being the first one in the family to reach your house from the garage you instinctively urinate in a small vial.

...you begin wearing a polka dot shirt.

...you start wearing polka dot pants to go with your polka dot shirt.

...your kids unexpectedly walk in your room and you desperately try to flush your Tylenol down the toilet while screaming, "It's not mine! Some Italian just brought it in here!"

...you pull to the side of the road and urinate without leaving the car. Then, when your kids ask what you're doing, you tell them you're just taking care of a little "besoin naturel." You ignore your kids when they ask why the grass on the side where you stopped has died and is giving off smoke.

...during dinner, when you finish a drink, you nonchalantly throw your glass into the next room.

...you scream "Six points! Kaching!" every time you drive under a green light.

The Sports Academic