The entire Cervelo-Lifeforce Cycling Team would be my private guard to start with…
Everyone would be required to have SPQD tattooed on their left shoulder (Senatus Populusque Danielus)...
One person in each town would be voted “Douchebag of the Year”... he would be put to the lash…
The official greeting in the Empire would be changed from “Good-Bye” to Popeye’s chuckle…
Saturday morning cartoons would only be Loony Tunes…
The third Saturday of every month would feature only Chuck Jones Loony Tunes…
My likeness would be graven into the surface of the Moon…
All elevator music in the empire would be replaced with “The Imperial March” from “The Empire Strikes Back”...
Every city with a population larger than 15,000 would be required to have at least one Mediterranean restaurant…
All Harley Davidson dealers would be required to stock Triumph parts…
All Mediterranean restaurants would serve wine and have Hookah’s with a variety of Nakhla Shisha Tobacco…
Cincinnati would be replaced with a city sized museum dedicated to WKRP…
All Mexican restaurants would be required to serve only Carnitas that had been braised for a minimum of six hours…
Anheuser-Busch would be required to produce only beverages that man can drink…
The producers of “2 and a Half Men” would be put to the lash… the producers of “Barney Miller” would be raised above all others…
The national language of Earth would be English…
Women would be required to speak English with a light Irish accent…
RV’s would be banned…
No form of transportation with more than 2 wheels would be allowed in any city with a population over 25,000…
There would be no Secret Police…
Bernard Hinault would be the head of my Secret Police…
The 100 brightest scientists in the world would be tasked with the job of resurrecting Jerry Garcia…
Every citizen would be required to travel to Hong Kong and eat Dim Sum at least once…
Paolo Bettini would appear on my currency…
Telemarketers would be put to the lash…
The national color would be Porsche Midnight Black…
My temporary capital would be in San Francisco… until a way was found for me to have a city that floated in the air at 6,000 feet…
Instead of a “Pledge of Allegiance” everyone would be required to memorize a poem of their choice…
All public works projects would be required to include some really cool astronomical feature in their architecture…
Starting in sixth grade, a new subject would be introduced in basic education: “The Works of Kurt Vonnegut”...
The NFL would be banned…
Circus clowns would be banned…
All roads in the Alps would be reserved for motorcycles…
All roads in the Pyrenees would be reserved for supercars…
All roads in the Dolomites would be reserved for bicycles…
All roads in the Sierras and Rocky Mountains would be reserved for me and anyone I grant a waiver to…
All trees in Sequoia National Park will be named after me…
The name “Reynold” will be expunged from all printed literature… just because…
No building will be constructed larger than the massive granite Dodecahedrons that will be built to my glory…
Anyone wishing to study Astronomy or Mathematics will be allowed to do so for free…
Major League Baseball players will have their income tithed… the tithe will pay the Astronomer’s and Mathematician’s wages…
No more Muppet Movies will be allowed to be made…
The practice of Daylight Savings Time will be stopped henceforth…
Hetch-Hetchy Lake will be emptied…
I will be forced to abdicate my throne through a bloodless revolution after 10 years…