Ancient Abbey Document Vandalized

by The Associated Press

Prosecutors are investigating the vandalizing the Ninth century Annals of Fulda in Germany amid a growing rift that appears to be part of a growing and increasingly antagonistic rift between Belgium and Denmark. The ancient manuscript, one of the only documents that historians have available that is a contemporary account of life in Germany and the Benelux countries before 1000 CE, was neither stolen nor defaced, but added to in the blank pages it has at the end.

Officials in Belgium, the Netherlands, and Luxembourg have denied all knowledge of the incident but have not issued a comdemnation of the incident, while representatives of the Danish and German governments are outraged- at the vandalizers and the Benelux nations. In another odd twist, England is also named in "the addendum" as some Belgian officials are calling the vandalizing and efforts to reach English govenmental officals who might be connected with such things were only met by what can only be called "amused non--denial denials".

Local prosecutors in Fulda, a town in eastern Hesse, Germany, would not release what was in the document, saying that they did not want to compromise the investigation, which has drawn in Interpol. However  a copy of "the addendum" was sent to the Belgian newspaper Nieuwsblad, which recently took controlling interest of Het Volk, which published it in this mornoings editions. Since it has already been published, the full "addendum" is published here:

To Arms!

Belgium and Netherlands! Unite to fend off the enemy!

Your happiness is at stake! Your very way of living!

We have been lulled to sleep! We thought the Battle of Leuven had given a decisive blow to the barbarian Vikings of the north, the heathen Danes and their allies, but woe! They are back! At our very gates they look to resume their savage ways! All able bodied men and women MUST resist or civilization as we know it will die!

Know the enemy! They are lead by the evil Danish blackheart Bjarnie Riiss and go piunder various banners, the latest being Team Saxo Bank. Ha! As if they are a proper member of the banking world! NO! This Riisian criminal ring aim to rape our cobbles and highways and pillage our podium girls. NO ONE IS SAFE. Riis' chief henchmen include the disreputable Alan Johansen, Matti Breschel, renagade Swiss Fabian Cancellara, Kurt Asle Arvesen, Alexander Kolobnev, Lars Bak, Chris Anker and Niki Sorensen, the Geat Gustav Laarson, and traitors to our motherland Karsten Kroon, and the accursed Schleck brothers. Their tactics are to overwhelm unsuspecting races with shear numbers of high quality riders and thus bludgeon their rivals to death.

Seeing the recent success of the evil Riis, other outlaw gangs have come to our fair shores to pillage as well, the chief being the amoral Angle-orientated Stapleton/Columbia mercenaries from across the waters but also including from Papist lands, the Caisse d'Epargnes, the Lampreys and Barloworlds and Liquigasses who bring charm and beauty to seduce our womenfolk. Even the hillfollk from distant oddly-named countries like Kazakhstan and Colorado are sniffing at our borders looking for an easy victory. Just look at the following chart that describes the overwhelming of our sacred lands: The VDS point totals of the top 15 teams last year in the Cobbles classics, the Ardennes trio and the two new VDS races, Ster Electrotoer and Tour of Benelux. 20,530 VDS points are there for the true of heart... and those evil Scandinavians:

As you can see, The heathens have poenetrated to the very inner sanctum of our heritage. For the coming years the good knights and our protectors Quicktep , Rabobank, and Whatever Lotto have bolstered their ranks withg the help of our Frankish allies Cofidis, FdJ and others with valiant and true knights such as Nick Nuyens, Philippe Gilbert, Stef Clement, Tom Stamsnijder, Juan Manuel Garate, Sylvain Chavanel, Jerome Pineau, Thomas Dekker and others. Very good. But where are our other champions? When is Skil Shimano? Our friends from Japan, Mitsubishi? Topsport? Landbouwkrediet something something? Have they all forsaken us? Have they gone the way of our past champion To Boonen- blown to the winds? Have they no heart for battle? Who wil be our modern day Arnulf of Carinthia? Eddy Merckx is old, who will stand for him?

We must all cheer on our friends, our brothers!

To ride Low Countries, to ride!