Virtual Director Sportif - A Guide To Building Your Team
by crashdan on Feb 18, 2009 1:32 PM EST
in FSA Directeur Sportif
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PrintUrsula and I held a brief discussion in the ATOC Post Race chatter yesterday about strategies concerning the picking or non-picking of specific racers based on their assigned point value, how many points they generated last year and for what reason, and what value they might contribute this year.
It's all a waste of time*. In the end, I know squat about most of these guys. You know, and I know, I'm not hardcore in my knowledge of cycling. I didn't know who Joop Zoetemelk was until Chris accused me of having picked him last season to round out my roster of riders over the age of 63.
Let me delve then into the process of how the average Juergen can hope to fill out their 25 roster spots.
Ok... get the easy stuff out of the way first...
Q: Are you an American?
A: Yes - well, then you've already picked George Hincapie. This is a requirement of citizenship (I'm serious... I have a Filipino friend that recently took the US Citizenship exam and question number 8 was "What is the greatest priviledge of United States Citizenship?" [serving on a jury] and question number 9 was "Who must you always carry on your VDS team roster?" [George Hincapie]). See how easy that is? Boom, one roster spot filled, 142 points left to spend.
A: No - not to worry, there are formulae for this eventuality too. Do you mistakenly spell the word "Color" as "Colour"? You crave Cavendish. Do you feel New Zealanders are cute if somewhat provincial? Embrace O'Grady. Do you know what a Txapela is? Txoose Txurruka! Simplicity itself!
Ok, we've got our Nationality requirement out of the way. Now lets get into some of the nitty gritty...
Q: Do you suspect that Drew has picked the rider you are considering?
A: Yes - this rider should then not be included anywhere on your roster. In fact, due to the bleed over effect of Drew's picks, you really should steer clear of anyone immediately above or below that rider's name when sorted alphabetically.
A: No - Mazeltov! You've just filled another roster spot! Unless you mis-judged and didn't realize that Juan Antonio Flecha will still be on Drew's VDS teams in 2034, you are looking fantastic!
Q: How can I maximize the effectiveness in the area of Belgian versus Ardennes style classics?
A: Did you not read the top of this post? I just like seeing the bright jerseys rolling by. One of those involves a lot of beer and the other one involves a lot of beer and occasional forests.
Q: Do you love cancer?
A: Yes - HWMNBN is certainly not going to appear anywhere on your team. Unless you really, and I mean really, have a thing for cancer, in which case you'll pick HWMNBN so that when HWMNBN fails to crack the top 10 in the Giro you can gloat gleefully at your reverse psychological voodoo hoodoo. The rest of us will also thank you for having blown 20 points strictly on vindictive principal. By the way, why do you love cancer?
A: No - Hope Rides Again! You washed the blue pill down with the Kool-aid, took the box of yellow chalk and scribbled WE LOVE YOU HWMNBN on the Prologue course in Sacratomato. 20 points is your donation in the fight against cancer!
Q: Is Contador really worth 25 points?
A: Yes. That doesn't mean you can afford him. Really, we know you better than you think; you shouldn't be allowed to own nice things... or sharp objects.
Q: Is Valverde really worth 25 points?
A: That depends on how much piti you have for the poor guy.
Q: To what degree should I incorporate possible Operacion Puerto fallout into my roster planning?
A: Don't even try. Speaking as someone who got burned because he picked a rider who took a spritz too many from his asthma inhaler last year, trying to accomodate the whims of the UCI, ASO, USADA, NAMBLA or CONI is a futile effort. Que CERA my friends, que CERA.
Q: Boonen or Hushovd?
A: This is far more complicated than it might appear. Let me break it down for you: both have high Green Jersey potential in the tour, both are ravenous pack sprinters, both have stated that they intend to focus strongly on the Spring Classics. Once you really, deeply and clearly appreciate the situation, the essential decision you have to make is this: Do you like Laminate Flooring or Overpriced Bicycles? Now, young grasshopper, isn't that a far easier decision?
Q: Damiano Cunego?
A: That's not a question. That's a proper noun, in this case a name, with a question mark inanely appended to make it look like a question. Who the hell are you, Bryant Gumbel? Go learn grammar then get back to me.
Q: Ok, I've got 22 roster spots filled, but now I've got -3 points to spend. Where do I make sacrifices so that I can gain back the six points I need to fill the remaining three with one pointers?
A: Re-read that question; it actually makes sense. If you haven't encountered this dilemma yet, then you really haven't tried hard enough to build a team. Look at the amount of 12 pointers you have. Look at the 10 pointers. Do you have Danilo Di Luca? If your name is "Chris..." then that would explain it; if not, then I know where you have fat to trim.
Q: How do I pick one pointers to fill out the remaining roster spots?
A: Use the "board" methodology. Dart or Ouija; the choice is yours.
I hope this guide has been helpful. I know the trials and tribulations that can be associated with the generation of a VDS team. I only want to try to make it a little easier for those sitting on the fence to participate.
[begin honesty]If you're a lurker this is a great way to come out of the shadows and join in the Podium Cafe fun. If you're looking for a way to get more familiar with the riders, I highly recommend this as a way to do it too. Half way through your team selection, I can guarantee you'll have four wikipedia pages open, scanning race results, examining who is on whomelses team and what Andre Greipel's chances are of pulling out stage wins. It's a lot of fun and there are people here who are more than happy to help if you get stuck; just pop into one of the threads and ask (although you may want to avoid doing so in live threads).[end honesty]
GOOD LUCK EVERYONE! (except Jens)
[ed: *Let me be clear... For me, Crashdan, pouring over statistics and team interactions is a waste of time. Because I am lazy, at work, suffering from caffeine deficiency and am overly obsessed with the Solvang Time Trial. I actively encourage anyone wishing to spend the time delving into either the grand scope of things or the minutiae to read through any of the magnificent articles posted by Majope and Ursula here :) ]
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Phone
"I didn't look for him and I didn't see him. If you base your race on another rider, most of the time you lose."
Tom Boonen
Phone's ringing Dude,
and Drew says “Fuck you!”
Now I feel better :-)
PS – I chose every one of your guys ;-)
"I didn't look for him and I didn't see him. If you base your race on another rider, most of the time you lose."
Tom Boonen
Dear Crashdan
I’m afriad I’ve become obsessed. I made one team, and it was really fun, I enjoyed it a lot. So I made another one. While it was fun too, it wasn’t like the first time. So I made more in attempt to recreate the feeling of that first time. and
oh crap, I’m late for a meeting….
Kirsten goes nuts...
It’s all a waste of time. In the end, I know squat about most of these guys.
Kirsten spends HOURS and HOURS reviewing team rosters from the team sites and then digs through pages and pages and pages of previous year’s race results on cyclingnews and palmares on riders’ Web pages. She makes all kinds of spreadsheets of riders and results in order to build teams.
This makes Kirsten super-awesome as a couchmate (easy there people — we watch cycling with separate snuggies) during the races, cuz I can just say “who’s that? does he have any classics results?” and she starts rattling off palmares.
Anyway, she built the tenth-place overall team for the 2008 VDS — “Or Thereabouts” — for me, so it’s under my name, but she gets all the credit. As you can guess from the name, it’s nothing but riders who are always there… Or Thereabouts, packed, for the most part, with her best picks for Mr. Consistency at each point level to round out the team.
We knew that this team didn’t stand a chance of winning VDS, but it had almost no chance of doing miserably. 10th ain’t so shabby. :) But, really, I think that this “Or Thereabouts” team could only have been crafted by somebody wacky enough to spend… 40+? hours (I shudder to think!) going over results, especially for newcomers to the sport like us who’ve only been following for a couple of years.
-Greg
From the hints you dropped last year
I was pretty convinced at one point that Kirsten was responsible for half the teams on the VDS roster. I’m still debating whether my goldfish wants to enter a team this year.
Finally. Whew. Some light-hearted fun.
Its a big relief after all of the ATOC and Levi bashing. Thank you Dan for the laughs.
And I do have The Big American on my VDS team. (As if anyone wondered.)
favour
flavour
favourite
behaviour
honour
endeavour
fervour
labour
savour
So many ways to make VDS selections when using the correct spelling… ;)
As the unofficial spokesperson of the datadelving peloton
I’d like to say: You will see us disappearing in the distance soon enough you lazy bunch of wannebe cycling fans!
(In case we don’t merrily gallop away our elaborate cyclist analysis models will luckily provide us with plenty of excuses to save our faces)
:-)
We can't see you disappearing in the distance...
… we don’t have mirrors on our helmets. OH SNAP!
Sic gorgiamus allos subjectatos nunc.
I so deeply and so dearly love that ad campaign...
… it’s time to (shudder) un-pimp das auto…
Sic gorgiamus allos subjectatos nunc.
That was really funny
This is my first VDS and my team selection went like this.
1) ask yourself this question “who do I think is awesome”
2) put those riders on your team.
3) Recognize that you now have fewer points than you have remaining slots to fill.
4) ask yourself whether you are really sure that those 7-8 riders are as awesome as you think they are, and then try hard to find reasons not to like a few of them.
5) search the 2 and 4 pointers for riders who are under the age of 25 about whom you know almost nothing but who other people, especially Chris…, think that you should think are awesome. Then try hard to invoke that spirit of excitement that you had when you picked Sami San as you are placing those riders on your list. (It actually works. I have made myself into a huge Edvald Boassen Hagen fan.)
6) find 1 point riders who have wikipedia pages with more information than their name.
7) beg borrow and steal to put Gilbert on your team because you forgot that he was actually awesome when you made your first selections and you also like yelling Gilbert! out loud when he makes a move in a race.
8) anguish for a while, and then decide to pick amongst the 1 point riders because you like the conjunction of phonemes in their names. Recognize that for you this is about as good a method as any.
Uncle Ted... that method is pure poetry...
… I couldn’t have said it better. My team last year was picked based on how much I enjoyed listening to Phil Liggett pronounce the riders name.
I think your step #1… that is inspired.
Sic gorgiamus allos subjectatos nunc.
1. Don't go for the Northern Classics
I had the winners of both Flanders and Roubaix and finished second to last. Boonen had an off year with the suspension, but Cobble guys are a tough pick. Of course, Fabian is a rare breed.
Who cares
All through the spring I want to be cheering on someone on my team. That’s when I want to be able to boast a bit or curse the lazy so and sos. Come the Vuelta and the Worlds my interest is flagging a bit and I just don’t care that much.
I know what a txapela is but not sure txoosing Txurruka will garner many points.....
…although he’s good at txancing his arm in breakaways before being txased down. Incidentally, did you know that in the Basque country, trains say “txu txu” rather than “choo choo”? It actualy says this on the front of the little pretend train which shuttles people up and down the strand in San Sebastian. This amused me.
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