a modestly immodest fake press release from the uci

by R Mc on Apr 30, 2009 2:32 PM EDT

Luzianne--

Recognizing that the Pro Tour concept has not worked to secure financial stability for professional cycling or sufficient brand exposure for sponsoring corporations and that in large part these failures stem from the persistence with which "doping" allegations continue to surface about professional cycling, the UCI, in consultation with Patrick Lefevere, Eufemiano Fuentes, Jesus Marzano, the spirit of Marco Pantani, a couple of recently deceased Polo ponies, and several corporate executives, hereby announce the formation of a new top level of professional cycling:

The Pro-pharma test tour.

Much like Motorola's sponsorship revolutionized the sport in the early 90s with the use of their radio technology, the formation of teams explicitly sponsored, funded, and supplied--in every sense of the term--with the newest and best performance-enhancing substances to emerge from the research labs of the big pharma companies will no doubt produce the most exciting racing. To provide oversight, each pharma-tour level team will be "presented by" a noted sports medical facility, which will provide testing, medical support, and the occasional forensic services for the riders..

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heh

I can see why you had to put “fake” in the title, this is entirely plausible! Ah, that’s not very nice of me. Tough week for cycling.

by plinytheelder on Apr 30, 2009 2:40 PM EDT reply actions

Maybe Davitamon was onto something.

by brunopitton on Apr 30, 2009 4:08 PM EDT reply actions

Hah! I have a question about UCi for folks

They have a horrendous website by the way. Almost no useful information. Anyway I was going to do a little study of riders caught using – look at the percent found and what would we expect, was the true number if the tests were, say, 10% efficient, to check a feeling of mine that doping really is lower than it was, but I can’t find any list of people who have been sanctioned by UCI, or at least the proceedings started.

Just to give a flavor, there were 1090 or so riders with Pro-Conti or Pro Team UCI licences last year. I can remember, adding in Rebellin, 8 guys who were caught one way or another. I am pretty sure there were more but I can’t find any decent list. Personally UCI should have this pasted right at the top – a page of shame. Where can I look?

Anyway, say there were 10 positives. That is quite low really, if the tests are only catching 1 in 10, that is you’ve got a 90% chance of not getting caught, then there still would be less than 10% users overall.

Looking at 1995-2005 using the same idea with even a great test catching 30% of the users it would still have meant a very healthy majority were dopers in that time. And the tests weren’t near that good then.

I’m surprised that I can’t find a study like this already, but maybe it has been done and kept quiet.

by Markk on Apr 30, 2009 8:01 PM EDT reply actions