Why Tom Boonen will win the Tour de France

Because he won't even be there and still everybody will talk about him after every sprint. Because every time a national jersey is in sight, some commentator will mention that Tom Boonen isn't there to show the Belgian Tricolore. Because the start is in Monaco and people will say how sad it is that Tom Boonen, who lives there, is not allowed to start, even if Tom Boonen doesn't live there anymore. Because every time a gorgeous young bikini babe lines the road, men will lose confidence, rationalise "she's too young for me anyway" and be secretly envious of Tommeke.

Why Tom Boonen will not win the Tour de France

If, by some one in a million chance of all stars aligning at the last moment, he does get his Tour start then he will not win. Because the French will still scorn him for tarnishing the Tour's reputation. Because his lack of specific preparation and focus will make him lose every sprint. Because the Belgians will analyse to death his every fifth place in sprint stages and call him old and done for. Because Freire and, all right there you go ladies, Benna will make fun of him behind his back while Cav will laugh at him to his face. Because every time he rides on the left side of the road, people will call a white line violation and snicker. I mean snort.