The Podium Cafe Lexicon: Redux

It's TdF time (duh!) and we tend to get an influx of newcomers around this time of year (hi everyone!!!! and welcome!) which is really cool. One of the challenges to being new to the cafe (especially if you're playing in the live threads) can be to get your head around the shorthand that has evolved here over time. We like nicknames and we like the snark.

Fortunately our fearless leader Chris wrote a cool post a little while back called the Podium Cafe Lexicon. It's got a good introduction to some of the specialised lingo that floats around here. I'm suggesting that it's time we do our annual biannual triannual first ever update to catch our new friends up. More after the jump...

This is the content of Chris' original post (so we can keep things together).

This is an open-source compilation of the enduring, endearing, and otherwise unintelligible words and names more or less invented by the Podium Cafe community. Additional suggestions invited (via comments).

:-O~...... [no pronunciation] An emoticon indicating extreme physical attraction. See, e.g., any post with "hotitude" or "hottitude"

>>>>>>>>>>>O~ The Millipede, a/k/a UCI President Patrick McQuaid.

\o/ or H\o/ste: Leif Hoste, and his perpetual state of hysteria.

~:> Michael Rasmussen, a/k/a the Chicken.

Bennalanche: A sudden, unexpected, often dangerously large release of comments triggered by the mention of Daniele Bennati. A category 1 bennalanche can overwhelm a discussion thread in under 90 seconds, and its aftershocks can last for several days. Bennalanches are not specific to Liquigas or Italy discussions; they have been known to occur in all types of posts. Also, while most natural phenomena are gender-neutral, a bennalanche is in fact female.

Bruce Gap \ thə brüs gap \ [Finnish] A vortex hovering over Finland that bends the space-time continuum, putting all information available in the U.S. at least 30 seconds after its distribution in Finland. Scientists have long debated the precise span of The Bruce Gap , but no conclusive evidence exists that proves the exact measure of time. Most researchers estimate the Bruce Gap to bend time approximately 33.76 seconds. Example: You’ve got a Bruce gap on me, about 30 seconds worth.

Bweeg: \bweeg\ [French] Bouygues Telecom cycling team.

Die Mannschaft: \dee mahn shaft\ Deutsche Telekom Cycling Team

Doodsmak: \dude smack\ [Flemish] Literally, make dead; figuratively, make like Angel Gomez going airborn off a sidewalk.

Gar-Men: Riders of the Garmin Chipotle Cycling Team (formerly Slipstream, a/k/a Argyle Armada).

HWMNBN : Literally, He Who Must Not Be Named, a nickname briefly given to Lance Armstrong, in early 2008, in a systematic effort to stop talking about whether or not all of his seven Tour victories were tainted. Update: thanks to his surprise comeback and the attendant difficulty of continuing not to name him, the ban was lifted in summer, 2008.

Happy Puppy: Damiano Cunego, a/k/a The Kid (who is now 27 years old).

Jennifer Grey:
 Franco Pellizotti, a/k/a Save Ferris. For further evidence, compare this to this.

Jens!: The utterly supernatural lifeforce that is Jens Voigt.

Juan Van der Flecha: Juan Antonio Flecha, a/k/a the Spanish Arrow, a/k/a the Spanish Flandrian (honorific).

Kash-Is-King: Andrey Kashechkin

KaTinkoff: Team Katusha, a/k/a Katyusha (formerly Tinkoff)

Leaky Gas: Team Liquigas

Mea Kohlpa:  Confession of wrong-doing motivated out of self-interest rather than genuine remorse. [ed.: this was proposed in comments, seemed good enough to make the cut.]

Roos Loose in the Top Paddock: 1. Crazy; lacking in mental stability; Sammy Sanchez. 2. Australian (outside Australia). 3. Property infested with kangaroos (Australia only).

Schlecked: The result of a needless crash which quite directly prevents victory. Related: a pointless crash – where one crashes oneself out for no apparent reason. Shorter version: crashed yourself out of contention. “Schlecked” can also mean "fall into a pool during a photo shoot." Example: "Don’t schleck yourself on that pothole."

The Snakeboat Line: 5,000 total team VDS points. Named for the one team, of over 140, which failed to amass this total in 2008 Virtual Directeur Sportif competition.

Team Sexy Back: Team Saxo Bank, formerly CSC

Tomestique: Reference to Tom Danielson, a rider who is suddenly discovered to not be the next Lance, despite years of media pronouncements to the contrary. Intended respectfully toward the rider, not toward the media.

Tony Spartacus: Fabian Cancellara, a/k/a Tony Montana, a/k/a Spartacus.

Trophy Mom: Yuri Trofimov

The U25 Project: An internationally recognized m ovement of riders under the age of 25 universally kicking ass prematurely on the pro circuit. [Related: the U27 Project; not related: the worlds U-23 road race.]

Virtual Directeur Sportif (VDS): The Podium Cafe's official virtual cycling game of strategy and intrigue. Resembles other sports' "fantasy games" only without such a creepy name.


...some new additions I can think of include:

Bobo: Robert Gesink, great dutch GC dominating champion, bringer of the Hegemony.

The Coming Dutch Hegemony: We have been predicted the inevitable rise and total dominance of Dutch cycling for several years now. One day we'll be right and on that day we'll be able to say "told you so".

Cuddles: Changes based on context, when spring races are on this may refer to Cuddles the Cobble. The rest of the season it's used to refer to Cadel Evans with varying degrees of affection/snark depending on the user.

The Evil Sideburns: Garmin-Cervelo Chief Jonathan Vaughters' sideburns, thought to possibly be an alien parasite, but generally accepted as an independent entity bringing evil to the peloton. AKA The Sideburns.

Shut the fuck up Donny / This isn't Nam, there are rules: to understand this one you need to watch The Big Lebowski, or at the very least read the IMDB quotes page. Suffice it to say that even if your name is Donny, we're not really talking to you.

So there's a lot more and I am too lazy turning it over to the collective wisdom of the cafe to round it out with suggestions in the comments.

NB. I'm not the keeper of the lexicon and even my suggestions are just suggestions. But it's fun to play word games.


I've consolidated many of the suggestions in the comments below and included them here. For the moment I've shied away from including every rider nickname, but may include them in a later update. Without further ado...

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Bubble Boy(aka Eskimo due to heritage) – Tom Danielson (reference link here)


Fat Schleck – Frank, also the source for Schlecking (see above)


The Schlecklet – Andy


DDIFP - “Daylight Deprived Internet Forum People” a phrase coined by Mark Cavendish when explaining why people on the internet know nothing about cycling. Interestingly, it also explains why Mark Cavendish knows nothing about people on the internet.


SSR/SSSR/SSFR/SSSSR/etc. - Original phrase “Shit Small Races” coined by Mark Cavendish as he described the only type of races his then teammate Andre Greipel was capable of winning. Has been expanded by DDIFP to include “Shit Small Stage Races”, “Shit Small French Races”, “Shit Small Spanish Stage Races” and many more. The versatility of the phrase is self-evident.


Carrots – coined by Matt Lloyd in description of the tendency of Euskaltel riders to fall down and hurt themselves. Originally described as “Bleeding Carrots”. Most effectively used when taunting Albertina, although be warned, she is prone to using her Stern Librarian Glare ™ and imposing fines using Leffe as currency.


Comrade – aka Ramunas Navardauskas. Coined by Peter Stetina in a true piece of PdC inside information, when recounting how tough this rider really is. Also known as the “Eastern Block” by his team and here is sometimes referred to as the Aardvark.


GHH – Glorious Heinrich Haussler. First used in 2009, this nickname has proven to be somewhat of a jinx in subsequent years.


Barbie Barbie – our own PdC superstar, based on the Glorious Heinrich Haussler, forever immortalised by majope and endorsed by GHH himself.


St. David (of the Slipstream) – David Millar – the former doper who is always good for a sanctimonious quote condemning those now caught doping.


Sprintermediates – Intermediate sprints and the renewed vigour they have been given at the Tour de France as a result of greater points being available.



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