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FSA DS - The Wacky Racers

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Climbers, sprinters, cobbles, monuments, grand tours, SSRs, value youngsters, and the like are all admittedly important. Find yourself constantly swapping riders and strategies? Is it all just giving you a headache? Becoming more like this?

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Then maybe time to theme that team.

Challenge - to let (imho) one of Hanna Barbera's greatest cartoons be the guide to FSA DS selection. Selections matched to each car follow.

The Slagg Brothers in the Boulder Mobile

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A few choices out there. Go with Boulder and whole of Garmin team and others available, go with brothers then can go with Schlecks, Sagans etc. Choice - Velits brothers. Deciding factor, just like in the cartoon nothing ever disturbs the hair, which seems impervious to weather conditions, climate, wearing a helmet etc Always always lustrous.

Hired - Peter Velits (8) and Martin Velits (2)

Professor Pat Pending

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Wacky inventor type. Brain power required, self confessed geek preferably. Choice - Adam Hansen. Computer background and go to guy for teammates when phone is broken etc.

Hired - Adam Hansen (1)

Red Max

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Only one rider is in a team that wears red (pesky national champs kit) and goes uphill/puts in an attack etc at the end of races like he is jet propelled.

Hired - Phillippe Gilbert (36)

Peter Perfect in the Turbo Terrific

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Only two real choices say the hottitude threads. Cant have Fabian under the price rules, leaving Tom as the obvious choice. Wiki describes PP as "a gentleman racer" which fits, and describes the Turbo Terrific as "despite its name and ..adulation, is highly unreliable; it often falls to pieces in the middle of a race" - which you can make up your own mind about... (Also there is small resemblance, more so than to Fabian)

Hired - Tom Boonen (12)

Rufus Ruffcutt and Sawtooth in the Buzz Wagon

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One look at that physique, choosing a cyclist to fit the description of "tough, muscle-bound lumberjack" and the name in the frame is The Gorilla, and Lotto Belisol leadout train is becoming the February Buzz Wagon.

Hired - Andre Greipel (14)

Ant Hill Mob

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For some reason conjures up the mental image of Erik Zabel (Clyde) yelling at a bunch of dum dums Katusha's young riders trying to turn them into an effective leadout train.

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For team picking purposes (need for seven riders) substituting Oscarito for Zabel - who can no doubt look equally unimpressed when he tries/the situation demands.

Hired - Oscar Freire (6), Tromifey Kritskey (2), Alexander Porsev (1), Aleksandr Kuschynski (1), Alexey Tsatevich (1), Vladimir Isaychev (1), Marko Haller (1)

The Gruesome Twosome in the Creepy Coupe

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Another no brainer. Michael Rasmussen and Stephan Schumacher are as gruesome a twosome as can find on the rider list. Worrying signs that Dragon Power could be against the WADA code, though others say such claims are "ampaw".

Hired - M Rasmussen (1) and S Schumacher (1)

Penelope Pitstop

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Linus Gerdemann Well known for her mid race beauty regimens - can only be one choice, with a name that is Italian for cosmetics

Hired - Manuel Belletti (2)

Luke and Blubber Bear in the Arkansas Chuggabug

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Having pondered long and hard over who Luke bears a certain resemblance to

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have finally stopped listening to the voices in my head saying pick Marco Pinotti and plumped for Bradley Wiggins. Swayed by use of "hot air power" and having a "fat mate" (overlooking/taking into account - you decide - Blubber Bear got his name from crying a lot rather than is overweight) meaning a Sky rider the obvious pick (plus if you squint carefully the resemblance is uncanny)

Hired - Bradley Wiggins (18)

Army Surplus Special

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Time to cheat and up the number of riders from 2 to 6 to fill up the rest of the spaces on the team. Looking for ex soldiers etc. Results of the World Military Cycling Championships over the years checked and hired accordingly (Juraj Sagan eligible but overlooked, National Service abolished in Slovakia just in time for Peter to concentrate on cycling career with no time out)

Hired - Vasil Kiryienka (4), Kanstantin Siutsou (4), Janez Brajkovic (4), Grega Bole (6), Stefan Denifl (2) and Kristjan Koren (1)

Dick Dastardly and Muttley

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Dont want to name a cyclist as dastardly. Very few riders called Richard. Couldn't find any with an obvious dog related name. And there is a dearth of moustaches in the peleton it seems.

As such going to the opposite end of the spectrum. Bjorn Leukemans translates as Bjorn Niceman and Oscar Gatto translates as Oscar Cat. That will have to do.

Hired - B Leukemans (16) and O Gatto (4)

Job Done.

25 riders, 149 points spent.

Sad thing is, think above may be better than the team have compiled without using a cartoon as a reference point.

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