Battle of the Lowlands

Battle_of_the_lowlands_medium

Amidst the fierce competition for yellow, green, white and polkadot jerseys, there will be another fight taking place in the 22 days to come: the battle of the Lowlands. OPQS and Lotto vs. Rabo, Argos and Vacansoleil. The land of beer vs. the land of water. Jurgen Van den Broeck vs. Robert Gesink.

tgsgirl vs. Frinking.

Frinking?

Yes, Frinking:

"The tour is sighting and Het Nieuwsblad is showing some ridicolous stats.. Van den Broeck ranked third while Superstars, Godlikes, Unbetatable Gesink and Mollema are ranked 8th and 15th. They ate too many French fries I assume.
Of course it's biased, although a third place for van den Broeck could happen.. It also can happen that van den Broeck wins the battle of the lower countries.. Altho that would be the same day it would rain orange pineappels in Belgium, due a cast of Voldemort."

He's a silly boy, Frinking. More silliness, after the jump.

Now a little more objective. Why the Dutchies will do beter:

Belgian riders: 14 - Dutch riders: 18

Belgian teams: 2 - Dutch teams: 3

Belgian GC riders: 3 - Dutch GC riders: 4

Making it already 0-3, because quantity works

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So typical for a guy to think size matters. Newsflash! Size doesn't matter. It's what you do with it that counts. Belgium has 6976 VDS points, the Netherlands - snort - 5013. Highest ranking Belgian: number 2, Tom Boonen. Highest ranking Dutchie...

Wait.

Still looking.

Insert tumbleweed here.

Niki Terpstra, twelfth. And he rides for a Belgian team. Boy knows what's good for him.

And in last year's TdF, Gesink was beaten by not one, not two, but three Belgians. Three! That's funny. The year before, again, beaten by a Belgian. Really. This is fun.

3-3 at half time.

AGAINST THE CLOCK

3-4 Gesink will do better because the time trials. 100km tt. Old fashion parcours is better for the Dutchies .Gesink aka the the Orange Bullet, Le speedy Gongesink seemed to be finally got all his wattages got to work in the time trials. Pedalling and working his way minutes in front of van den Broeck.

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Minutes? MINUTES?

My dear, delusional, Dutch friend. Might I suggest you take a look at the Gesink - JVDB ITT Head to head on CQ? Cause if you do, you may notice that the score is 6-10... in favour of The Mighty Belgian. Fuck yeah. And that's not even counting improved JVDB, who did pretty damn great (for his skill set) at the Dauphiné.

4-4.

THE POWER OF ORANGE

4-5 van den Broeck will suck more because of his team. Is there even a team. Yeah well the supermarket team of van den Broeck, Dutch supermarkt. There you have it already. But seriously. Lotto-Belisol did a tremendous job as a team, in the sprints! In the mountains they are unknown. Van den Broeck doesn't need a team. That is true and he has Vanendert and team Sky but I think it's going to be a more open race. The not Wiggins guy have to attack from further down. Andy and Contador showed how you do that last year. Lotto doesn't have really something on their sheet for that.

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Frinking, dude, are you for real? You're dissing Lotto as a team? A fan of the ORANGE squad is dissing Lotto as a team? That's hi-la-ri-ous.

Has anything in orange done well this year? The Dutch soccer team - hilarious fail. Euskaltel, well... (yes Albertina, three Leffes). And orange tans. And orange chocolates. Why fuck up perfectly fine chocolate by putting orange inside? That's stupid. Orange: it's nothing more than imitation gold.

But, in this case the colour orange reveals something else. It is symbolic for Rabo DS'ing, which never quite seems to go right. Hell, sometimes it just goes catastrophically wrong. From chasing their own guys to not chasing at all to completely isolating their leader, the Rabo's don't quite seem to have the 'how to win a gt' thing down yet. It's a cliché, yes. But not one without truth in it.

5-5. All tied.

PLAN, PLAN AND PLAN SOME MORE

0-6 The Dutchies will do beter because there is a plan a, b, c and d. If Gesink fails there is Mollema. If Mollema fails there is Kruijswijk. If Kruijswijk fails there is Poels. Plan b and c of the Belgium are not better than that. Also the fact that 3 of them are in the same team is riducolous strong . I dare them to attack from 70km to go. Better go down fighting to 10th, than finish anonymous 6th.

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Plan A, B, C? Your plan A is inferior to my plan A, as previously demonstrated. Your plan B, Mollema, is inferior to my plan B, Vanendert. Has Bauke ever won a TdF queen stage? No, he has not. Remind me again, what has Bauke won? Oh, right. A stage in the Tour of Poland. Ya-fucking-hoo.

So, plan C you say? Well, my plan C, Maxime Monfort, is better than your plan C. Has CruiseShip ever finished top 6 in a GT? No, he hasn't. He finished eighth. Eighth is not better than sixth, Frinking.

6-6.

TUNES

6-7 Sing and songwriter Millow vs Wyke van Weelden.

Music, my man? Getting desperate? Well: Magic vs. something you're better off not hearing.

7-7

Italics is Frinking talking, 'cause his logic is crooked like slanted text. Upright is me.

Battle graphic made by me, using pictures by Erkizia (JVDB, used with permission) and The Wolf (Gesink, used with permission).

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