FanPost

FBI Fingers Floyd Fairness Fund For Fraud

I came home from work this evening to find a letter in the mail with a return address that read: US Department of Justice, Federal Bureau of Investigation. Hmm…

Inside was a letter from a Victim Specialist [their caps], telling me in part:

"As a Victim Specialist with FBI - San Diego, I'm contacting you because we have identified you as a possible victim of a crime. You have been identified as a Floyd Fairness Fund donor."

[queue dramatic music: Dun Dun DUNNNN….]

"This case is currently under investigation. A criminal investigation can be a lengthy undertaking, and, for several reasons, we cannot tell you about its progress at this time. But we can do this: We have enclosed a brochure about the FBI's victim assistance program. The brochure will introduce you to this program and to available FBI assistance for victims. A victim of a federal crime is entitled to receive certain services, such as information regarding available emergency medical and social services; available public and private programs for counseling, treatment, and other support; and notice of certain events in the progress of the case. The enclosed brochure will discuss those services and others…"

Also in the envelope were two card-stock folded brochures. One was titled "Help for Victims of Crime", and the other provided details for "The Department of Justice Victim Notification System". The second brochure explained how, with the userID and PIN code provided in the letter, I can log in to the VNS and track case details online! There's even a convenient tear-out wallet card with their contact hours and information, and spaces for me to put my Victim Identification Number (VIN), and Personal Identification Number (PIN), along with internet login ID and Agent name and phone number.

Personally, I don't feel a compelling need to enroll in the counseling or emergency medical services. After all, I got the stylin' t-shirt. <image link needed> If I ever feel the need to get a fixie and become a hipster, I've already got the ironic shirt for the costume.

Final irony: The Victim Notification System is a cooperative effort between [among] the Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI), the US Attorneys' Offices, the Federal Bureau of Prisons, and -- wait for it -- the United States Postal Inspection Service (USPIS). (I also bought a lot of stamps between 1998 and 2005, so I wonder if I'll be getting another mailing like this in a few years...)

Okay, let the snarkfest begin!


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