Will He? Won't He? Do We Care?

Chris Graythen

Lance is going to confess. Maybe...

Lance Armstrong, owner of various records in the way of nullified Tour de France success, hijacked another news cycle beginning last night when the New York Times began publishing passive-voice sentences about how someone thinks he's about to confess to some or all of his well-documented doping practices. This is not a knock on the Times or Juliet Macur, who ran with what she had, even if it wasn't much and even if it quickly elicited a statement from Lance's attorney denying that a confession was on its way. As of right now, it is what it is. CN has a good roundup of all the well-documented reasons why, as a practical matter, he would be reluctant to confess. The only known reasons he might do this would be to spare the Livestrong Foundation the continued embarassment, or to reduce his competition ban. Or, and this is highly speculative, to cleanse his "soul".

Here at the Cafe, the wait for real news goes on, and we stand at the ready to peck out whatever there will be to say. Personally, my first reaction was so what? This was followed closely by a flash of anger and a tweet that while we're at it, we should recount the votes from the 2000 election. The damage has been done, and if Lance is suddenly willing to go back on his nauseating stonewalling, because he'd like to do some triathlons, well, I can't help but think that maybe he should go do the anatomically impossible instead.

But the devil will be in the details. If nothing happens, then he's wasted our time again, perhaps intentionally, as some people don't like being out of the news too long. [Lance? I don't know the guy, but he's been playing the media a long, long time.] If he does confess, only to make his life more convenient, then again, don't waste our time. If on the other hand he apologizes, not for the doping but for the secrecy and the stonewalling, well... I'll believe that when it happens. But as far as I can tell, that's about the only thing I can think of that would be of use to the world right now. That's plan A. Plan B is to crawl back into his cave and stay there. If you're looking for a plan, Lance. You're welcome.

As for y'all?

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