Welcome to the Days of the Dope. Really, every day, it’s more doping news. There’s the Contador decision. Which, if you've been underwater for a week, led to a two year ban and the loss of his Tour de France and Giro d'Italia titles for Contador. But don't be sad, he'll be back racing in August.

It's not enough to have a decision. No, we have to have the press conference about the decision. Which! Was fun times, amiright? My favorite part was Riis and The Contract Talk. Riis, he looks so hot when he puts on his Earnest Face. We don’t have a contract with Contador now. Because you know, doping. But we’d really really like to have one in the future. Because ohmigod, he’s so awesome. Just look how awesome he is. We looovveeee him so much.

Raise your hand if you think a contract is already signed? Yes, I think this is entirely possible. And really, you’d hate to see so much love go unrequited.

And then, there’s this. Really, you can’t make this stuff up. You people are seriously going to ride around Spain wearing Contador masks? Boundaries, people, boundaries. Also, we are laughing at you, not with you. Just so you know.

Continue reading this post »

Welcome to Talk Show. This is the part where Gav and Douglas open up the wine and hop on the chatter to talk about bike racing. In this edition, we talk wine and camels. We suggest the introduction of interpretive dance numbers as a required element of team presentations. And we find the long, lost scarves of the Leopard Trek team. Because I know you were worried about those things.

Join us below the fold for some chat! And feel free to heckle us mercilessly in the comments. You can even suggest topics for the next edition. We might listen. Or not.

Continue reading this post »

Muppet Babies, Disconjoinment, Risky Zippers, and More!

First, there were Muppet Babies and Scrappy Doo. Miniaturization of our heroes (what, you’re saying Muppets taking Manhattan wasn’t heroic?) continues with National Champion Babies! Double Belgian champ Philippe Gilbert’s son Alan wore his tricolors with pride as the chubbiest baby champion of Belgium. Miss Leea Schleck sported a dress which included a sassy mesh panel in the skirt — sewn from papa Frank’s Luxembourg champion — kit. With Visconti repeating his Italian championship, his baby will surely rock a mini Italian jersey as he did last year.

Now, these babies will travel in a van to solve mysteries: first up, Curious Case of Vladimir Karpets Maybe Shoving Alberto Contador But Probably Not.

Two Schlecks enter, one Schleck leaves. After spending a few days in Trek’s Wisconsin HQ, brothers Schleck actually went their separate ways: Frank to rainy Luxembourg and Andy to Colorado for training, fishing, and Twitter group rides. Was there a tearful farewell scene at the airport? Cue montage set to Eric Carmen’s “All by Myself” of Frandy looking around for each other, happily destroying a car together, showing off matching scars, etc. Solemates disconjoined! Their first step in training for the next Tour de France.

Continue reading this post »

I bet you were thinking it was all about the bike race there at the Tour de France. Wrong! As it turns out, the riders get up to all sorts of hijinx during the three week party in France. What? You were watching the bike race? And you missed all the fun? Never fear! Mmmaiko is so totally looking out for you. She's been scouring the Twitters and the internets for all the best Gossip of this year's Tour de France. So get yourself a fresh espresso, sit back in your comfy chair, and get caught up on all the most important stories from this year's Tour. Enjoy! ~Gav.

Fabian Cancellara, Olympic gold medalist and reigning world champion — a man with such bulging palmares would sleep like a king in a pimped out suite, you’d think. No. Fabian effin’ Cancellara has slept on the team bus like a hobo at Tour de effin’ France. Incroyable! He’s been plagued by “bad air” (roomie O’Grady’s gaseous emissions?), barking dogs, and poisonous “aircon” air. To think Fabian’s day starts on the bus and finishes in the autobus...where’s the dignity?

Speaking of “bad air”, let’s clear it all in one fell swoop. We have two Twitter confessions of in-race gassiness: one from Mark Cavendish and one from the possibly appropriately named Lars Boom. But the biggest gossip stink bomb is Frank Schleck, who crop-dusted an elevator full of Saxo Bank riders upon exit. Never say the Schlecks don’t attack...it happens.

Continue reading this post »

Podium Cafe Exclusive!! I have secret, insider information that HTC-Highroad, whose future has been hanging by a thread for months, may or may not make an announcement soon regarding the matter! Yes, count on it. A shoe will drop. Just don't ask me which one, or when.

Over at VN, owner Bob Stapleton was expressing "reason for optimism," which sounds like code for good news, but until it happens it hasn't happened. This much we know: as soon as there is good news, it'll be broadcast loudly, to head off the contract feeding frenzy that may already be going on. Tejay to BMC? Goss to Green Edge? Cav to Sky? We'll see. They talk a lot, those... rumor people.

&One thought that popped into my mind today was, should the worst happen, there would be one rather intriguing free agent: Erik Zabel. Ete is given some or a lot of credit for Cavendish's development into the crafty, efficient sprinter you saw earlier today acing the rather chaotic finale of stage 15. Tyler Farrar, meanwhile, flashed greater speed but poorer positioning, and got second for his troubles. Could a little coaching from Der Meister make the difference? Mind you, I mean no disrespect to the fine lineup of coaches already on staff, or Farrar's native intelligence and experience. But we're talking about Erik Frickin Zabel. And the value of Farrar taking second on a stage versus winning it is probably enough to cover the salary in short order.

Just a thought. A more likely outcome is that Cav leaves, HTC continue on, Goss re-signs and wins 25 races in 2012.

It’s the season of cobbled dreams, that short sweet delirious season of steep stone climbs and big iron legs. The flat countryside, brown fields fallow alternating with the rain-greened growth of spring, the thin grey ribbon of road, and the rainbow horde, bikes flashing in the sun, they pass before our eyes in a blur.

Here we sit along the roadside on the way to the Ronde and Roubaix.

I think I have a purple prose problem today. Do bear with me. It’ll pass, I promise. At least, I hope it does, for it’s a sore affliction. I blame the espresso. It’s easier that way.

Continue reading this post »

Over at The Awl, one of my favorite places to wander over for a read, they're writing a series of stories imagining the end of the world, on the premise that 2012 is truly the end of times. My favorite so far: Going To Zero. Would we race bikes in the end of times? No doubt we would, though even the Tour de France paused during the great wars of last century. Me, I think I'd ride my blue bike to the water's edge and watch the world end. Would there be a green flash?

I came here to write a review of the year story, or maybe a resolutions story, or maybe a predictions for the coming year story. Somehow I'm all out of practice with this writing thing. It's not that much different from riding a bike. You never forget how to fall off, but you don't always remember how to go fast. Sometimes even good espresso won't make you smarter.

Continue reading this post »

I think my laptop is going to catch on fire. Fall in California means heat wave. See, we have season changes, they’re just not like normal people’s season changes. It’s all relative, which might be like rain on your wedding day or it might not. Anyway, before flames emerge from the keyboard, how about some bike racing talk? I have this vague recollection of the Vuelta. I think an Italian won, an Italian in green shorts. These Italians, they get around.

One Italian not getting around these days is Filippo Pozzato. Previously on As The Pedal Turns, we learned that Pozzato hadn’t been getting any lately, perhaps in preparation for his big day out leading the Italian National team in the Worlds road race. Really, that kind of responsibility is enough to make anyone a little gunshy. Well, it seems that Bettini did not extract some kind of medieval vow of chastity from the Azurri team captain. No, instead, Pozzato reports that he hasn’t gotten laid recently, because he is single. Pozzato, way too class for the one night stand. He confided that his ideal is beautiful, intelligent, and classy. SWM with Big Hair seeks beautiful, intelligent, classy woman for intimate relationship and hair product sharing. Must appreciate shaved legs and small arms. Pozzato is among the favorites for Sunday’s road race.

Continue reading this post »