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Podium Cafe Lexicon

This is an open-source compilation of the enduring, endearing, and otherwise unintelligible words and names more or less invented by the Podium Cafe community. Additional suggestions invited (via comments).

:-O~...... [no pronunciation] An emoticon indicating extreme physical attraction. See, e.g., any post with "hotitude" or "hottitude"

>>>>>>>>>>>O~ The Millipede, a/k/a UCI President Patrick McQuaid.

\o/ or H\o/ste: Leif Hoste, and his perpetual state of hysteria.

~:> Michael Rasmussen, a/k/a the Chicken.

Bennalanche: A sudden, unexpected, often dangerously large release of comments triggered by the mention of Daniele Bennati. A category 1 bennalanche can overwhelm a discussion thread in under 90 seconds, and its aftershocks can last for several days. Bennalanches are not specific to Liquigas or Italy discussions; they have been known to occur in all types of posts. Also, while most natural phenomena are gender-neutral, a bennalanche is in fact female.

Bruce Gap \ thə brüs gap \ [Finnish] A vortex hovering over Finland that bends the space-time continuum, putting all information available in the U.S. at least 30 seconds after its distribution in Finland. Scientists have long debated the precise span of The Bruce Gap , but no conclusive evidence exists that proves the exact measure of time. Most researchers estimate the Bruce Gap to bend time approximately 33.76 seconds. Example: You’ve got a Bruce gap on me, about 30 seconds worth.

Bweeg: \bweeg\ [French] Bouygues Telecom cycling team.

Die Mannschaft: \dee mahn shaft\ Deutsche Telekom Cycling Team

Doodsmak: \dude smack\ [Flemish] Literally, make dead; figuratively, make like Angel Gomez going airborn off a sidewalk.

Gar-Men: Riders of the Garmin Chipotle Cycling Team (formerly Slipstream, a/k/a Argyle Armada).

HWMNBN : Literally, He Who Must Not Be Named, a nickname briefly given to Lance Armstrong, in early 2008, in a systematic effort to stop talking about whether or not all of his seven Tour victories were tainted. Update: thanks to his surprise comeback and the attendant difficulty of continuing not to name him, the ban was lifted in summer, 2008.

Happy Puppy: Damiano Cunego, a/k/a The Kid (who is now 27 years old).

Jennifer Grey:
 Franco Pellizotti, a/k/a Save Ferris. For further evidence, compare this to this.

Jens!: The utterly supernatural lifeforce that is Jens Voigt.

Juan Van der Flecha: Juan Antonio Flecha, a/k/a the Spanish Arrow, a/k/a the Spanish Flandrian (honorific).

Kash-Is-King: Andrey Kashechkin

KaTinkoff: Team Katusha, a/k/a Katyusha (formerly Tinkoff)

Leaky Gas: Team Liquigas

Mea Kohlpa:  Confession of wrong-doing motivated out of self-interest rather than genuine remorse. [ed.: this was proposed in comments, seemed good enough to make the cut.]

Roos Loose in the Top Paddock: 1. Crazy; lacking in mental stability; Sammy Sanchez. 2. Australian (outside Australia). 3. Property infested with kangaroos (Australia only).

Schlecked: The result of a needless crash which quite directly prevents victory. Related: a pointless crash – where one crashes oneself out for no apparent reason. Shorter version: crashed yourself out of contention. “Schlecked” can also mean "fall into a pool during a photo shoot." Example: "Don’t schleck yourself on that pothole."

The Snakeboat Line: 5,000 total team VDS points. Named for the one team, of over 140, which failed to amass this total in 2008 Virtual Directeur Sportif competition.

Team Sexy Back: Team Saxo Bank, formerly CSC

Tomestique: Reference to Tom Danielson, a rider who is suddenly discovered to not be the next Lance, despite years of media pronouncements to the contrary. Intended respectfully toward the rider, not toward the media.

Tony Spartacus: Fabian Cancellara, a/k/a Tony Montana, a/k/a Spartacus.

Trophy Mom: Yuri Trofimov

The U25 Project: An internationally recognized m ovement of riders under the age of 25 universally kicking ass prematurely on the pro circuit. [Related: the U27 Project; not related: the worlds U-23 road race.]

Virtual Directeur Sportif (VDS): The Podium Cafe's official virtual cycling game of strategy and intrigue. Resembles other sports' "fantasy games" only without such a creepy name. See all the rules here.